The biggest piece of feedback I got back from everyone was to add a good closer and to try to make my pitch more conversational. I thought all of my feedback was very helpful. However, adding a good closer was way harder than I thought. So heres what I came up with! I tried to take everyones advice.
https://youtu.be/IW0EG6F8VKs
Mary,
ReplyDeleteThis is such an awesome pitch. I felt with the minor changes you made, it not only showed more of your personality but it gave your idea that edge of awesomeness! The closer was a great one and they are always difficult to come up with. Also I am not sure if you colored your hair but it looks fab! Awesome pitch, Mary.
Mary Kate, I love that you let your personality shine through in your pitches, you're so adorable! You really know how to deliver your charisma. One thing I would focus on is monitoring your body language and toning down all of the gestures. While hand movements can help you effectively communicate and emphasize points, too much movement can distract your audience from the message you want them to hear. You're making great improvements!
ReplyDeleteVery creative way to pitch your topic, and you have some catchy phrases that leave me wanting to know more. I must say you seemed quite nervous, but that is to be expected with beginners in public speaking. Next time you have to do it I only leave you with one thing that may help you get your point across better, fix those hands on a heavy podium. The more your hands wonder the more our brains do. Other than that you have an art and a great idea.
ReplyDeleteYour pitch was great. You have a great topic and it is a very real issue here at the University of Florida. Parking is terrible and an issue for both faculty and students. The only thing I would change about your pitch would be the lighting. It was pretty dark and hard to see, other than that it was good.
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